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I came across a friend’s status one day on Facebook that read something like this, “I was once told that I should never sleep with a man I couldn’t see myself having kids with, so why don’t more women take this advice?” The simple questions resulted in a sea of comments that I did not bother to read. The consensus was that it was somewhat of a double standard, why do men get to water all types of plants in the garden while ladies have to stay put and maintain good soil?

This status caused me to go deep in thought. Was it that serious? Are women responsible for the heartbreaks and joys we experience because of who we choose? Is the process of elimination when it comes to finding love generally disfigured or even non-existent? Are our standards getting to be too low? All these crazy questions popped into my head, and it didn’t help that I’m the analytical type *rolls her eyes*.

I do remember hearing that saying from an older distant cousin-type relative at one point in my life, but to be quite honest I shrugged it off. I figured it was too much work to look for a man who I could have children with to date or sleep with, because that would involve getting to know him. Getting to know someone could mean that I see the real side too soon and well, I just wanted to have fun. You see how twisted the logic sounds?

I know women who are straight jerk magnets. One of the key contributing factors to them being serial offenders is that they stay riding emotional roller coasters with no seat belt on. That means they are being tossed and turned in their seats or relationships, without a firm grasp of reality or the bar in front, when all they had to do was put on a seat belt. The seat belt restricts, or you could look at it another way and say that the seat belt protects. The seat belt in the case of my wacky analogy is this thing I call values. Values start from within and they generally help us make wise decisions.

Now while I know that with speed dating events, metropolises with millions of men at a woman’s disposal it is highly unlikely that one is going to adhere to this saying 110% but it’s definitely something to keep in one ear instead of letting it slip out the other. I challenge my brothers and sisters in the dating world to keep “future” in the back of your mind when on your next date, you may not necessarily be ready to start a family per se but I guarantee you this altered perception will do your dating life some good.

At this stage in your life, do you look for a partner you would start a family with? Why or why not?

Do you believe that there is a double standard when it comes to mate selection? Are women given more responsibility to find the ideal mate than their male counterparts?

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About the Author:

Telisha Ng is the author of the Goddess Intellect blog, & Host of Menage a Talks on blog talk radio. To contact her please email:

Will you be in the New York City area on Sept.29th? Join Telisha for the first live episode of Menage A Talks, “Battle of The Sexes”. For more info and ticket information visit Menage A Talks in NYC.

True Or False? "Don’t Date A Man You Wouldn’t Want To Have Kids With"  was originally published on